New Poll and Funny Video

Hello there, avid readers!

It has taken me SO very long to calculate the results of our last poll, "Which villain would win in an epic villain battle to the death?"  The majority went with Jason, by 40%.  Not my personal choice, but that's okay.  He did come back to life almost a hundred times by now, so I've got to give the guy credit there.

Anyway, I'm going to post a new poll today, and I'm planning on leaving it up for much longer so people can get more time to vote.  The new poll is going to sort of relate to this video I'm posting, in the sense that most scary movies have IDIOTS for victims.  I guess that's what's so enjoyable about watching them...I mean, if I had a Baby Ruth for every time I cursed at a horror flick moron for doing the wrong thing, I would have type two diabetes.  However, we can all agree that there are certain instinctive things we, as human beings, do that help us in terms of surviving.  Each person has their own strengths and weaknesses, and to be honest a lot of the reason I watch horror films is so that I can be prepared in my own daily life, should I be attacked by a freaking psychopath.  I mean, good theives watch bad ones get caught and learn from it, so the way I see it good survivors need to watch dumbasses bite the dust.  It's for the same reason that I watch 1,000 Ways to Die.

Enough for my philosophical rambling...here's the poll question: "If you were sitting on your couch watching (insert T.V. show name here) alone in the late evening, and you heard someone in your house, what would be the FIRST thing you would do after you called 911?"

Okay, so let's talk.  I know this seems like a no-brainer...but keep in mind the FIRST thing you'd do after calling 911, because let's face it, unless your phone is charging in the attic, that's anyone's first move if they have an IQ higher than 4.  Really put yourself in that situation and think about it.  If your answer is not listed as an option, please e-mail me or comment on my blog.

On to the next.  I saw this funny video by HISHE, they make animated films on "how _______should have ended."  I found one on Scream, and found it funny because they took a more pragmatic look at it, which as you well know is my horror movie philosophy.

Click here to take a look!

I hope you've enjoyed the August reviews!  September brings the start of a new year of teaching, so I'll try to keep you updated as much as I can!

Frightfully yours, 

-Corri

FIlm Filter: Off - Silent House

Silent House R (2011)

 Elizabeth Olsen, Adam Trese, Eric Sheffer Stevens 

Film Filter: On- When Sarah visits her family's old lake house with her father, it's very remnant of when she lived there as a child.  As she, her father, and her uncle fix the house up and discard old memorabilia, they run into some obstacles.  Despite the fact that there is no electricity, cell phone reception, or available windows for light (as they are all boarded up) the most haunting thing about the ancient lake house are the unexplained noises and occurrences.  Once she finds her father bloody and unconscious upstairs, Sarah vows to get help.  The only problem is that the house contains a secret, and will not let her leave until she uncovers it.
Things to note:  The entire film is made from one single camera shot, well-selected cast, film drags in the middle, unexpected ending.

You'll like this movie if you enjoy:

Haunted house stories, like Paranormal Activity or Insidious.

Click here for Film Filter: Off

Film Filter: Off - The Human Centipede

The Human Centipede R (2009)

Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams, Ashlynn Yennie

Film Filter: On- After a deranged scientist has a breakthrough experiment with three dogs connected with one digestive system, he fantasizes about re-creating this phenomenon with human test subjects.  When stumbling across three unlucky personalities, Dr. Heiter kidnaps them and locks them in his underground laboratory, his intent to transform them into a horrifying creature that he must re-teach the most simplistic human actions.  When the three guinea pigs realize his intent, they discover that this crazy surgeon will stop at nothing to create his delusional fantasy.  Their future appears dismal, unless the three can find a way to work together to escape.
Things to note- Foreign film with many subtitles, many scenes with grotesque surgical procedures, poorly developed characters, frustrating but intriguing plot.

You'll like this movie if you enjoy:

Scientific or social experiment films, like Frankenstein or Saw.

Click here for Film Filter: Off

Film Filter: Off - Fallen

Fallen R (1998)

Denzel Washington, John Goodman, Donald Sutherland 

Film Filter: On Detective John Hobbes is an upstanding detective who believes in the good of the justice system and police force.  After catching a notorious criminal, Reese, who is sentenced to death, Hobbes becomes victim to a cat and mouse game that is strikingly similar to past events involving both Reese, and another detective who committed suicide many years prior.  The deeper Hobbes gets into the investigation, the more surreal and dangerous things become for him and those he loves.  Hobbes must decide for himself if uncovering the truth is worth sacrificing everything he has...including his life.

Things to note: Excellent storyline, very god cast, solid narration, film stays consistent with prior facts given, great ending.

You'll like this movie if you enjoy:

Theological thrillers involving crime and murder, 

like Close Your Eyes or Lost Souls

Click here for Film Filter: Off

Film Filter: Off - Primal Fear

Primal Fear R (1996)

Richard Gere, Laura Linney, Edward Norton 

Film Filter: On- An egocentric lawyer notorious for defending hardened criminals decides to take on a case of a young 19 year old boy who is accused of murder.  Although the case seems like an impossible up-hill climb for the defendant, Marty is determined to win the case.  As the trial progresses, Marty becomes convinced of the boy's innocence, and will stop at nothing to make sure the boy receives a fair trial.  The only thing that seems to be getting in the way are the secrets that his client keeps from him, leaving Marty to wonder how much young Aaron Stampler is really hiding.
Things to note: Very strong cast, first big film for Edward Norton, great plot, based off a book, cheesy music, dialogue sometimes seems forced.

You'll like this movie if you enjoy:

Crime thrillers involving the law, like Double Jeopardy

Click here for Film Filter: Off

Friday the 13th 2-for-1 Special

Hello, virtual friends, and Happy Friday the 13th!

I want to update you on the recent poll I added, the advice people received, and to give you not one but TWO reviews of some of my all time favorite movies.

So, since you could vote for more than one category, the votes for "What motivates you to watch a scary movie" were as follows: 100% of voters went for unique story and plot, while 25% went for scary/pop out moments.  125%?  Whatevs.

In terms of advice, we've got:

• Always buy a four door vehicle, or your friends will perish
• Check your backseat for axe murderers, so you don't perish
• Don't walk in the direction of creepy circumstances; you will certainly perish
• Scan the area for possible weapons, to prevent your inimitable perish-ing

Thanks for the advice!  I should be more diligent in following it, though.  I had a close call the other night when someone was tailgating me and flashing their high beams in my rear view mirror.  I thought I felt hot breath on my neck and was done for, but it was a false alarm.  No axe murderer, just a hobo.

Anyway, my new poll is up!  Of the following horror villains, who would reign supreme in a battle to the death?

1. Freddy
2. Jason
3. Michael Myers
4. Jigsaw, or
5. Ghost Face

Whaddya think?  Let me know and I'll update ya'll in about a week.

In the meantime, check out my 2-for-1 special reviews on Fallen and Primal Fear.  They're both excellent films that you should check out!

I'm always open to any comments on my blog discussing my posts, or anything in particular.

Frightfully yours,

-Corri

Film Filter: Off - Horror Movie 101: Lesson Learned

What piece of advice have YOU received from horror films?

No, this is not the title of the most recent horror flick to hit theaters, it's an honest question...and I want to know your answer!

I'll start.

So I drive a 2006 PT Cruiser named Pheobe.  She's periwinkle, and the inside of her is like a walking advertisement for Waste Management, but we still love each other.  A lot of times people ask me why I selected her for my automobile, and I give a lot of reasons.  "I like the color."  "She was affordable."  "I like to drive mini-hearses in bizarre colors." etc.  Well, few people know the real reason I selected Pheobe, so feel honored by your now inclusion to this elite group.

THE PHEOBS

While, no, I don't care all that much about make, model, color, interior, or other superfluous aspects of vehicles, there is one attribute that is non-negotiable: having four doors.

Is it starting to click, yet?

In the back of my twisted, overly paranoid (yet logical!) mind, my adult self is reverting back to the hundreds of scary movies I have seen that involve some sort of chase between the villain and the victim.  Let me paint a worst-case-scenario picture for you:

Three of my friends and I are walking to my car from a long day at the beach.  It's a two-door Honda Civic.  All of a sudden (gasp!) Swamp-Man appears on the shore, and begins chasing us down! Struggling to sprint in flip flops, two of us make it to the car ahead of the others...and Swamp-Man is right on their tails!  The other two finally make it to the car but, in my panic, I've dropped the keys!  I have just enough time to open the door, unlock the passenger door, and then there is a split second to make a life or death decision:

AHHH!

Option 1: Should I fold back the seats and let the slow pokes in, leaving my other friend and I vulnerable?  If we get killed first, then the doors remain open and unlocked for Swamp-Man to reach my other friends. Besides, we all know how long it actually takes for people to get behind the retarded folding seats: too long.  Not only will my quick-like-a-fox friend and I surely perish, but there's more than a good chance we all will.  No bueno.

Option 2: Should I hop in with the shotgun passenger and leave the other two stranded? If I hop in with my (not slow) friend and immediately lock the doors, my other two friends may have a chance to escape if they can run.  Plus, I now have the opportunity to try to run Swamp-Man over with my car, provided he doesn't have absurd Jeepers Creepers like jumping abilities.

As you can see, option 2 is the winner here.  Will my friends maybe die?  Yes, and that would suck, but the survival rate overall would improve, and we have to think globally in these times of distress.

Here's the beautiful thing, though.  With Pheobe, I don't have to choose between my friends living or dying!  Provided I never travel with more than four people, my sufficiently-doored PT Cruiser has enough room for everyone to survive and that, my friends, is my Horror Movie 101: Lesson Learned-

ALWAYS HAVE A FOUR DOOR VEHICLE!

(Unless you're a selfish prick and want your friends to die.)

So...it's your turn!   Now YOU get to tell ME what life lessons you've taken out of horror flicks.  Comment on my post, or e-mail me at chiapet_45 AT hotmail DOT com to let me know!  I'll take the top ones and post them on my blog for all to read, but in order for that to happen, you've got to get in touch with me.  I'm dying to hear from you.  :)

-Corri